Evening standard newspaper dating

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Some Things You Just Can't Explain A farmer was sitting in the neighborhood bar getting drunk.

A man came in and asked the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day, getting drunk?

The bartender walks over to them and says, "What can I get for you?

" The man says "I'll have a beer", the ostrich says, "I'll have a beer", and the cat says, "I'll have half a beer and I'm not buying." So the bartender says, "OK, that will be .87." The man reaches into his pocket and brings out the exact change and pays him.

About an hour later the bartender goes back over to them and says, "What'll you guys have?

" The man says, "I'll have a beer", the ostrich says, "I'll have a beer", and the cat says "I'll have half a beer and I'm not buying." The bartender gets them their beer and says "That'll be .87." The man reaches into his pocket and brings out the exact change and pays him.

She has five more in a row, belts them all down, passes out dead drunk, and everybody in the bar fucks her again.

The next night, she walks into the bar and says, "Bartender, give me a triple Tequila." He says, "I thought you drank Jack Daniel's." She says, "Not any more.

The bartender screams at the guy "Did you see what your monkey just did? " "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table-whole! I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate, then leaves. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, pulled it out, and ate it! The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up. "It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it's Friday the 13th.

A couple of days later they come back into the bar and the bartender walks over and asks "What do you guys want today?

" The man says, "I'll have a scotch", the ostrich says, "I'll have a bourbon", and the cat says, "I'll have half a beer and I'm not buying." So the bartender says "OK, that will be .53." The man reaches into his pocket and brings out the exact change and pays him.

" "Well, I sat back down and began milking her again.

Just as I got the bucket full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail." "Hmmm," the man said and nodded his head. "Well," the farmer said, "I didn't have anymore rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter.

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